Why is It hard To function In a Conformed life?

Tears rush to my eyes as I try so hard to hold them back. Today was hard, harder than I expected. I struggled to stay afloat in my thoughts. I tried to respond to emails but couldn’t finish a sentence. I tried to send off an order but couldn’t remember the next step. Why is it getting harder to function? Can’t I keep steadfast a little while longer until the time is right? When will it be right? I begin to realize the closer I get to my purpose, my desires, my ideal life, the harder it is to maintain options that don’t fit within it. I feel caged within these walls even though I can walk out any minute. No one has me at gun point. I’m not paralyzed or have amnesia. I walk in willingly every day at 7:30 am and freely walkout at 4:30 pm. So what exactly is holding me here? I take a step back to look at my whole life instead of only what’s in my heart. I have a family member who’s partially dependent on me, I have a car note, a cell phone, a credit card, student loans, a trip next month, a business I’m building. Ding, ding, ding, that’s right....... I have responsibilities. Without a car how will I get to my clients, without a phone how will people reach me, without savings how can I invest in my business, without spending money how can I spend time with the ones I love? But mostly, and this truly is the most important, if I leave now, where will someone find inspiration in my path to fulfillment? My journey will inspire someone I have not yet met or may not ever meet to pursue their own dreams. My story will give someone the strength to persevere. My story will ignite someone to secretly plan their unique escape route from conformed living into actual living. In remembering that, I have found appreciation for the emotional and mental challenge that lies before me. Sometimes our focus is fixated inwards, and it’s difficult to see the connection our life plays on those around us. Ignore fear, have faith, believe, keep moving forward and you will reach your desire. But don't forget to bring patience and gratitude to keep you focused on the larger picture. For we all have a special purpose we must fulfill before we leave this Earth, but the journey to get there is a painting in the making.