When you're in the midst of making a change in life-- whether it's trying to improve yourself, build a business, or create a lifestyle that's not surrounded by dysfunction, there will be people that will try to distract you from your goal. Mind you, they are not doing it intentionally. You're the one that's making the change. You're the one that's disrupting the flow by altering the dynamics of the relationship.
Your strive for change can cause tension and confusion with the ones you love. Making a change in your life is hard enough, there's no need to make it more difficult by crumbling close relationships.
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If you're on the path to making a change in life and want those around you to be on board, here are a few things to keep in mind:
LEARN TO COMMUNICATE
If you're taking a break from alcohol but your friend is insisting you have a drink, don't get upset. Don't get defensive and insult her for not being able to have a good time without being intoxicated, all because you've decided to make that change in your life. Respect her views and let her know why you refuse to drink right now. Sometimes we want to keep positive changes a secret, because we fear we may not be able to succeed. If you don't tell anyone, and you fail, no one will ever know. Sharing your desire for change actually does the opposite. It holds you more accountable, and if you're sharing it with a loved one, they'll cheer you on.
You will have to remind others around you of what you're trying to do. Yes, it will get annoying. You think to yourself,
'I know we've had this conversation already yet they act brand new every single time'.
Put those manners your parents raised you on to work. Be polite and repeat yourself. It's not a crime to repeat yourself. I repeat, it is not a crime to repeat yourself.
Your friends and family love you so very much and want to share their time and experiences with you. The time you're spending on changing is probably taking away from that. Put yourself in their shoes. Find ways to keep the peace without sacrificing your needs. This has been a great challenge for me as I designate time each day to work on my business. My boyfriend wants to watch a movie. Which sounds harmless, but he wants to do it with no phones, no iPads, and no laptops. (Basically no distractions) This can be pure torture when all I'm thinking about is the amount of work I can get done in this hour and a half. So we agree that I put a time stamp on what I need to do, and when times up, business gets put away and quality time begins. The beautiful thing about this arrangement is during the designated work period, I'm working with intention, motivation, and fluidity that produces a great outcome. When my time is up, I can relax and spend time doing other things that are equally important to my business(i.e simply watching a movie and eating ice cream with my boobie)
It's easy to get frustrated by the person who is impeding on your growth. How dare they not see what you're doing with your life. How dare they intrude with their wants and desires. How dare they want to spend time with you. (Humans are so self-involved lol)
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Here's the thing, your growth is no one's responsibility but yours. If you want to grow, change, and become something more than what you are today, it is your responsibility to make that happen. It is also your responsibility to remind others of what you're doing and where you're going. It is also your duty to never forget how your life affects those that you love. It is easy to be selfish and only focus on your goals, needs, and desires. But if all you do is care about you, whenever you get to wherever you're going, you'll be standing there alone. Maybe physically or so far removed emotionally that even in a crowded room you are lonely.
Strive for harmony, a sweet rhythm that involves the notes in your life that are vital. It is not created by your sound alone but of the ones who are willingly playing around you.
Feel free, Mel
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