How Do You Walk Away..

Walking away from something that’s not good for you isn’t easy. It’s not easy to keep telling yourself this is it and knowing it’s not. It’s not easy wanting something different but choosing the complete opposite. Asking yourself, why you aren’t making better decisions…the right decisions. You know exactly what you’re looking for don’t you? He has to be funny. He has to be nice, but still know when to be a little rude. I like that. He has to know what he wants out of life and moving towards it in some fashion, because a man that looks forward to his future is sexy. He has to be able to kiss me anywhere. I don’t care if it’s the grocery store, the club, or the park; PDA is a must. He has to be able to speak his mind; seeing that is so nice. He must be intelligent; intelligence is just EVERYTHING. Everyone’s not big on learning. I get that, but that’s not me. I love learning new things. I research almost everything. In those late night phone calls, 2 am drives on Friday nights, meet-ups after work, and road trips out of town, to know that with you my mind grows pleases me. These are the things I wanted but not the things I chose. The men I dated weren’t bad by any means. They just weren’t right for me and sometimes not good for me. Some of them were “closer” to what I wanted but still…..still they lacked what I was yearning for. It almost started to ache to feel so empty for so many people. I thought I wasn’t losing any energy or time, but I was wrong. Our life is nothing but the sum of our time. The sum of the things that we choose to make important. But like I said, walking away from something that’s not good for you isn’t easy. I had to understand why I chose mediocre and not the best. I wasn’t asking for impossible things. I simply needed to be treated with tenderness and compassion, for someone to see me for who I (truly) am---that was most important because that’s not something I had ever had-- and be perfectly happy with that. Also many other things and everything at the same time, but who in their right mind doesn’t want it all? I knew I deserved it, at least part of me did. But yet in my mind I made it sound like an outrageous request of life. So I thought I could date ones I knew weren’t right until I met “Mr. Right.” Except, that’s not how it works. It takes saying no to the things you don’t want and waiting to say Yes to the things you do. It’s about choosing what’s good for you over the bad. Walking away from something that’s unhealthy, exhausts you, stifles you, makes u feel further away from the person you want to be. Admitting to yourself what you honestly want and only choosing those things and absolutely nothing else. It’s then that doors open to possibilities that only existed in your daydreams to feel, to breathe fully …to love.